A recent burglary in the Hamlin sausage fest dorm has campus community and the nation on its collective feet. The two individuals captured on security camera at 3:50 A.M. this past Sunday put a shameful name to the UMass community and the nation.
President Barack Obama has reportedly invited the two suspects, both black males, to the White House along with the victim whose laptop was attempted to be taken and his roomate, two Asian males currently of the predominantly Asian Northeast dorms at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst campus. President Obama has stated on last Sunday’s Meet The Press that he thinks of the burglars as “a couple of pinheads.”
It has been reported that the President will host the four individuals for a 4:20 P.M. bake out this Friday at the White House South Garden. A spokesperson from the Zig Zag rolling paper company has reportedly struck a deal for the use of its rolling papers. The deal is a positive leap forward for the France based Zig Zag in rebuilding relations between France and the United States.